Weight: 324

I've been keeping records since February 11th of this year. On that day I weighed 343 pounds. In something less than two and a half months, I've lost 19 pounds.

Maybe that's not so bad.

I just need to keep it up. It's difficult to be hungry so much of the time, especially at home, and it's difficult to try to feed my son and have him eat things that will add too many calories to my intake for that day, but I just need to remember why I'm doing this.

I'm doing this for me, so I can watch my son turn into an adult, to see how he takes on life, and to be able to him when he needs help. I'm doing this for me, so that I can find a life partner, someone with whom I can share all the things I love and who wants to share the things she loves with me. I'm doing this for me, so that I can go swimming and not be embarrassed. I'm doing this for me, because there is so much I have left that I want to do in my life that I'll need another thirty or forty years just to get it all done.

I'm doing it for me and I've got 124 pounds to go.

Weight: 325

How wonderful! I'm back to what I weighed a week ago!

(Did you detect the sarcasm in my voice?)

Sigh.

In speaking with my coach last night, I realized that it isn't exercise I dislike -- it's exercise for the sake of exercise. Walking around the neighborhood. Bleech. I enjoy bicycling -- but I don't enjoy just biking around the neighborhood. If we had a nice big park across the street with a five mile bike path, like the one that's a ways away from my house, I'd probably use it a lot. But I've tried to talk myself into biking out there, and I simply don't do it. It's a fifteen minute drive, at least, add to that the time in sticking the bike on the truck, and I guess I'm just too lazy to go through all that just to get on my bike for twenty minutes.

And even then, I still don't enjoy it very much. Or maybe that's obvious from the fact I'm not willing to take the time to actually do it.

Not that anyone is reading this blog, but if anyone does happen to come across it, any ideas for exercise for someone who enjoys caving, enjoys backpacking, enjoys bicycling, but who doesn't enjoy walking around home because it seems pointless -- same for biking?

Weight: 326

Since I didn't post yesterday or Monday, here are my weights for those days:

Monday: 325
Tuesday: 331.5

Sigh.

I managed to really screw things up on Monday. Lots of milk, Twinkies, and chips. And I'm paying for it.

But I received a boost yesterday in knowing that I could possibly earn a lot of money by losing weight. Enough to pay off my car, and do some other things that I need to do as well. I ate just over 1000 calories yesterday, and will eat the same today. Tomorrow might be more as I usually lunch with a friend, and I'm really going to have to work this weekend to keep my eating down, because I'll be with my son.

But I am determined. If I weren't, I wouldn't be eating 1000 calories even the days I do.

I will. I shall.

I'll just keep saying that, and maybe eventually I'll believe it. :-)

Weight 325

Okay, really 325.2, but I get to think 325 anyway.

Probably had my worst lunch in a long time today -- I ate the forbidden: french fries. And Coke. But darn it, I was going to have to pay for the fries whether or not I got them, so I decided to let them serve them to me and I would eat them. Not a horrible thing, but I guess I'd rather they let me buy the four naked tenders without paying for fries. Yeah, I coulda paid extra and gotten a salad, but I really wasn't interested in a salad today.

This weekend will be a test -- let's see if I pass. Hmm. I pass with flying colors if on Monday I weigh 323 or less. I pass if I weigh less than 325.2. I fail if I go up.

I also promised my coach that I'd spend 20 minutes on the exercise bike or Nordic track three times before next Wednesday's call. At least two of those should be done before Monday.

Until Monday then. Have a great weekend.

Weight: 327

All I can say is this is what I mean by motivation. When I see my weight drop like this it gives me a lot of motivation to continue eating as little as I did yesterday. My calorie count for yesterday was 1010, and I got in both fruit and whole grains. My problem area continues to be vegetables, and I think V8 Juice is going to have to suffice for those, as least a lot of the time.

I noticed the finale of "Biggest Loser" was on last night. It's not something I've watch, it's not something I will ever watch regularly, but certianly it's motivating to see someone who was, in many ways, just like me. He started at 363 pounds and ended at 199. I started at 345, and I want my final weight to be right at 200. I've got a long, difficult way to go.

But as for today, I'm thinking that 1000 calories will be easy to hit.

Weight: 329.5 (still. Sigh.)

Even though my weight stayed the same, I don't feel badly about yesterday. My total calories yesterday was 2010, which is well under the approximately 3300 which is needed to sustain my body mass. How'd I get that? Well, I've been told that, in general, the number of calories needed to maintain your body weight is your current weight multiplied by ten. I'm sure that varies by the amount of excerise you get on a daily basis, but even if I need less than 3300 calories a day to maintain my weight, I'm pretty sure that I can lose weight on 2000 calories.

Another I've noticed in my previous attempts at losing weight is that some days you're going to stay the same or even perhaps rise in weight a bit, even when your general trend is that you are losing weight.

I think it's important to weigh yourself daily. I know it certainly is for me. When I'm not weighing myself each day, I tend to eat more than I should. I know that the "experts" used to say not to weigh yourself every day simply because the seeming lack of progress or minor deviations up can discourage you. More recently I've read the opposite, that you should weigh yourself every day.

I don't think there are any real experts in losing weight. Different things work for different people, and the motivations that work for each person are so different that I doubt if the same thing works for any two people. For me, my long term motivations I've talked about. My short term motivations are the drops in weight I see in the morning on my scale. I think of it in terms of a computer game, like World of Warcraft, a game I played regularly for a couple of years. What kept me going in that game was gaining levels. As you begin, it's easy to gain levels, as you progress, it gets harder. Each time I pass another ten pound mark, that's another level for me, with each pound being kindof a mini-level -- and getting below that 300 pound mark is a big deal, much bigger than a normal ten pound mark.

Maybe tomorrow I can say I'm definately past that 330 mark.

Weight: 329.5

Weight: 329.5

Well, last Friday and Saturday I did myself in again. But I managed to stick to a reasonable diet yesterday (Sunday), and still managed to drop one half pound by today.

Today might not be great, either. I'm with my son tonight and pizza is on the menu. Actually, pizza is always on the menu when we're together for just an evening. But I've found the Papa Murphy's Delight pizzas, large, with cheese only, are listed at 1400 calories, so dinner is 700 calories. Combine that with the 800 calories I've already had today, and 1500 calories isn't bad for a day. Even if I go over a bit more, I'll probably stay under 2000 calories. Any day I manage that, I consider it a win. So maybe I'm wrong about how today will turn out.

I've found something interesting recently. Don't know what's going on, but now-a-days french fries from either McDonalds or Wendys have this bad aftertaste. I don't really like them unless I can eat them with ketchup. That's new, within the last year or so. It's not bad that I'm beginning to dislike things that are bad for me, but I wish my tastes would change to really love things that are good for me.

Oh, if any one is actually reading this, I don't post on weekends because I only post on days when I weigh myself. I don't weigh myself on the weekends, because I want to weigh myself at the same time each day, and I get up a lot later on weekends.

Sigh. I guess one half a pound down is better than a half pound up. But this goes so slowly...

Not my best day

Today's weight: 330

The day started normally, but about noon I just couldn't take work anymore, so I took the afternoon off. Have to make it up this weekend, but I needed the time, I think.

Except for one thing.. I stopped at Tim Horton's and got a 20 pack of Timbits.

Ah well. The one think I've learned is that because you screw up doesn't mean you give up. Tomorrow is another day, and I'll do better.

It's ambitious, but I really want to be under 300 lbs by June 27. Soon after that I'll have visitors for a while. I've got several reasons, including that special someone I mentioned in my first post. I think. Actually, I don't really dare hope she'll be around. While she probably will, there are also a lot of ways I can see that would have her elsewhere.

Looks like I'll be meeting someone new as well, at around the same time. A close friend has talked this woman up to me before, and I'll be getting a good chance to know her.

Anyway, point being, if I keep those things in mind, maybe my goal won't see so difficult.

Right now the most difficult thing I face is being bored with what I'm eating. I just don't have enough really low calorie foods that I enjoy, I guess. Even then, it's not too bad if I, first, go only to work and home and don't need to stop at the store for anything else, and secondly, I'm eating alone. It's much, much, more difficult for me to eat low calorie meals if my son's with me.

I don't know how people with families stay on diets or manage to lose weight at all. How do they manage to eat these low-cal meals when the rest of the family is eating normally? The only way I manage to eat the way I do is not to have the foods in the house that are really bad for me.

Enjoy the weekend!

Starting here, starting now...

I weigh 331 pounds. That's too much for almost anybody unless they're eight or nine feet tall. Of course then you've probably got other issues.

Two months ago I weighed over 345 pounds, closing on 350, and I made a decision that I had to lose weight. I want to see my son grow up and want to know him as an adult. There's someone out there who isn't ever going to be interested in me romantically until I weigh at least 100 pounds less than I do now. And, if not her, I'd like to get involved with someone. Since I'm not attracted to women who are significantly overweight, it's more than a bit hypocritcal to expect someone to whom I'm attracted to also be attracted to me when I am as much overweight as I am.

My weight also affects what I do and don't do. I get worried that I can't fit in the rollercoaster seats, or at least that I won't be able to fit in the safety constraints. I couldn't backpack, which I used to love, I won't swim without a shirt because I'm too embarassed. I get winded in my own house.

It's past time.

So, I begin today, publically. I want to lose 131 pounds, and weight in at about 200 pounds, plus or minus 5 pounds.

I weigh 331 pounds.